Have you ever met a safe woman? One who is comfortable in her feminine skin, who takes up all the space she needs, who moves through life in a grounded, intentional, non-rushed way. Most women are constantly holding their breath as if they are just waiting for another demand to come their way. From time to time, we may come across a rare breed—a safe, rested, pleasure-filled woman who reminds us that it is available to all of us. This article will help you recognize a lack of safety in your own body, and understand its personal and collective origins in order to break free from old, patriarchal patterns, and become a safe woman yourself.
Meeting the Safe Woman
First of all, we can assure you: there is a safe woman inside all of us! A woman who embodies inner safety and radiates a deep sense of trust within herself and the world. A woman whose body, breath, and presence reflect this security in tangible, somatic ways.
Here are 7 traits by which you can identify her. Which parts already feel integrated in your own body, and which may need extra support?
An open posture
The safe woman has a relaxed and open posture. Her shoulders are naturally dropped–not hunched or tense. Her chest is open–not collapsed inward. Her jaw, hands, and belly remain soft and at ease. She takes up space comfortably rather than shrinking herself.
A regulated breath
The safe woman has a regulated breath. Her breathing is slow, deep, and rhythmic—primarily through the nose. Her belly expands freely with each inhale instead of shallow chest breathing. She can access a deep sigh or audible exhale whenever needed.
A grounded presence
The safe woman has a grounded presence. Her feet are firmly planted on the earth with a sense of rootedness. Her movements are intentional, unhurried, and fluid rather than jerky, frazzled or rushed. She is fully present in her body rather than dissociating or fidgeting.
A healthy Nervous System
The safe woman is attuned to her nervous System. She easily transitions between states of rest, play, focus, and connection. When stress arises, she knows how to self-regulate without panic or collapse. She welcomes emotions rather than suppressing or fearing them.
A warm energy
The safe woman has a warm and receptive energy. Her eye contact is soft and engaged–not avoidant or overly intense. There’s a natural glow or radiance to her presence. She listens deeply, responding rather than reacting impulsively.
Clear boundaries
The safe woman has clear, healthy boundaries. She can say "no" with clarity and without guilt. She honors her needs and desires without over-explaining. She trusts herself to discern who and what feels safe at any given moment.
An embodied Voice
The safe woman has an embodied voice—one that is steady, resonant, and unforced. She speaks from her belly rather than constricting her throat. She expresses truth without shrinking or overcompensating.
Identifying a lack of safety in your body
Most of us have a deep core wounding created by an experience—or series of experiences—that have ripped apart our sense of safety, belonging, or worth. This could be related to our early attachment, culture, upbringing, or transgenerational trauma.
If you are a woman in a world built by men for men—aka patriarchy—chances are you have already been through a series of experiences that have enhanced a deep lack of inner safety. This is not a gender issue, this is a systemic, cultural issue and we are here to change it!
To make it a bit more concrete for you, here are 3 recurring examples of how a woman who doesn’t feel safe in her body might experience it both somatically and behaviorally.
The overachieving woman
The Woman who overworks and overachieves aka Superwoman:
- Somatic Signs: constant tension in her shoulders, jaw clenching, and shallow breathing. She often feels exhausted but finds it hard to rest.
- Behavioral Signs: she overworks, always pushing herself to do more, fearing that if she slows down, she’ll lose her worth. She struggles to ask & receive help or let go of control.
- Root Cause: her nervous system is stuck in fight mode—a survival response rooted in the belief that she must prove her worth through doing.
The independent woman
The woman who struggles with intimacy and trust aka Miss Independent:
- Somatic Signs: she feels numb or disconnected from her body, especially in moments of closeness. She experiences tightness in her chest and stomach when someone tries to get emotionally or physically close.
- Behavioral Signs: she avoids deep relationships or sabotages them before they get serious. She fears vulnerability, often withdrawing or putting up walls while deeply longing to be held.
- Root Cause: past experiences of betrayal or trauma have left her body in freeze mode, making safety in relationships feel impossible.
The invisible woman
The woman who shrinks herself in social spaces aka Always Sorry Lady
- Somatic Signs: hunched shoulders, crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, speaking softly or hesitating to use her voice. She feels a pit in her stomach when she has to speak up.
- Behavioral Signs: she avoids drawing attention to herself, struggles with setting boundaries, and second-guesses herself constantly. She may apologize often, even when unnecessary.
- Root Cause: her body has learned that being small and invisible is safer than taking up space, possibly due to childhood experiences of criticism, bullying, or cultural conditioning. She feels like she doesn’t belong in any space she occupies.
Each of these women is carrying an underlying somatic imprint of unsafety, unworthiness and not belonging but through embodiment work, they can reclaim their power and sense of safety, worth and belonging.
Understanding the origins of unsafety
What is deeply healing for most women is understanding that they are not alone in their lack of safety. This is a collective wound. Our patriarchal system is designed to deeply impact women’s felt sense of safety, worth, and belonging.
Think about it—for thousands of years, being born with a phallus was a sign of immediate worth. Being born a woman meant we needed to earn our worth that was conditioned—and in a lot of places still is—by our capacity to give birth and take care of others. With our lives having less value than a man’s life, our existence was also more threatened.
And even if this does not seem completely true today (knowing that there are over 130 million girls who would strongly disagree) think about your mother and your grandmother— how safe was it for them to walk around the city alone or to speak their mind in public? Their fear still lives in the cellular memory of your epigenetic quilt. Our epigenetics carry the memory of the environment in which our cells were developing. In other words, you carry particles of your mother’s and your mother’s mother's lived experience in your body (some research, like Dias & Ressler, even suggests up to 5 generations behind).
This isn’t just a theoretical issue—it’s imprinted somatically, influencing how women move, breathe, and feel at a cellular level.
Here are some of the ways in which this can manifest:
Patriarchy and women’s felt sense of safety
Patriarchy has conditioned women to be hypervigilant—constantly assessing their surroundings for potential threats, whether physical, emotional, or social. This manifests somatically as:
- Chronic fight-or-flight responses such as racing heart, tense muscles, and shallow breathing
- Bracing patterns such as clenching the jaw, gripping the belly, and stiff shoulders
- A deep-seated feeling of needing to be on guard in public, at work, or even in relationships
As a result, many women feel unsafe simply existing in their bodies—whether due to experiences of harassment, objectification, or the internalized belief that their body is a liability rather than a source of power.
Patriarchy and women’s felt sense of worth
Patriarchy has conditioned women to derive their worth from external validation, particularly through:
- Appearance: the constant pressure to be beautiful, thin, and youthful
- Productivity: the belief that her value comes from how much she does for others
- Perfectionism: the fear of being judged, leading to self-doubt and overworking
This explains why many women internalize feelings of not being enough, which shows up in:
- People-pleasing and overgiving—sacrificing their needs to feel worthy
- Shame and body dysmorphia—feeling disconnected from their physical form
- Self-doubt and imposter syndrome—believing they must earn their right to exist fully
Patriarchy and women’s felt sense of belonging
Patriarchy thrives on keeping women separate and disconnected from each other and from themselves. This is reinforced through:
- Comparison culture—competing with rather than supporting other women
- Silencing and tone policing—being told to "be nice" instead of expressing anger or truth
- Internalized misogyny—inherited beliefs that women must suppress parts of themselves to be accepted
This has lead to many women struggling with:
- Fear of being "too much" or "not enough"
- Loneliness and disconnection, even in relationships
- Doubt about where they truly belong.
Healing from these patriarchal imprints requires rewiring the body, not just the mind. Through somatic healing, women can shift from:
- Hypervigilance to grounded safety
- External validation to inner self-worth
- Isolation to deep sisterhood and belonging
This work is revolutionary. It’s not just about personal healing—it’s about undoing centuries of conditioning and reclaiming our right to feel safe, worthy, and at home in our bodies.
A woman who feels safe in her body moves through life with grace, confidence, and a deep trust in herself.
Would you like to reconnect to a Safe Woman Within?
Join Nada Mesqui's new online group healing program “The Safe Woman”—5 weekly calls filled with somatic practices, energy healing, and deep embodied wisdom.
Your Safe Woman is waiting!
